Don’t Touch My Daughter – All RB Edition

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  1. Kareem Hunt
    This one is pretty self explanatory. If there’s a video out there of you kicking a woman, then you’re certainly not someone I want anywhere near my daughter. The crazy thing is that Hunt kicking the woman in the elevator lobby is nowhere near the most egregious act an NFL running back has committed against a woman in/near an elevator lobby (shoutout Ray Rice). On the bright side (for Hunt), if there’s a video out there of you kicking (or just mistreating) a woman, you can make your way to Cleveland and the Browns will have a contract waiting for you. Kareem Hunt is obviously good at football, but at this point I feel like the Browns would sign my grandpa if he could prove that he at some point in his life committed a violent act against a woman. I’m rambling now, but you get the point. Kareem is not a guy I want anywhere near my future daughter.
  2. Cam Skattebo
    This one requires more of an explanation. I haven’t heard any reports of Skattebo mistreating women, but one thing I know for sure is that the guy loves to lower the helmet. In fact, seeking out contact and leading with the head is so instinctive for him that he decided to do it after crossing the goal line against Denver in Week 7. The bottom line is that I simply do not trust the rookie to not run crown-first into my daughter. If the league has to consider adopting a revised offensive targeting policy because of the violence with which you tote the rock, I can’t let you get into a relationship with my offspring.
  3. Rico Dowdle
    This might seem like an extremely random pick, but hear me out. Rico is a heartbreaker. He’s the guy who comes in out of nowhere and shows a girl (or fantasy owners) the best time of their life before completely disappearing. I don’t need Rico potting in an All-Pro performance in the sheets with my daughter and then just walking out of her life. In fact, I’m fairly confident that Rico would make my daughter fall in love and then ghost after a couple weeks. If Weeks 6 and 7 of this NFL season are any indication, then putting Rico in the three spot on this list based on the logic outlined above makes perfect sense.

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“My d— bigger than yours.”

~ Anthony D. Edwards

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