 Favorite Picks from the NFL Draft  I don’t know if J. Dart is the Giants quarterback of the future, but I know (well, I’m pretty sure) that he has one thing going for him that Daniel Jones didn’t. He cheated on his girlfriend. And not just his girlfriend, his high school sweetheart. I’m not an advocate of cheating on your significant other, but I do think that, for an athlete, it shows that you have a bit of an edge. To me, Dart cheating on his high school sweetheart shows that he has the type of “I don’t give a fuck” energy that he’ll need to deal with the expectations and pressure that long-suffering Giants fans will put on his shoulders. I wouldn’t be surprised if him being a certified cheater played into the Giants decision to trade up and get him.  This pick in itself is not that funny (or that good, in my opinion), but it is made hilarious by the fact that the Browns took Shedeur two rounds later. And it is made even more hilarious by the fact that the Browns’ three other quarterbacks are Deshaun Watson, Joe Flacco, and Kenny Pickett. I certainly cannot think of a more outrageous quarterback room ever being assembled in my lifetime, and I am extremely excited to see what the depth chart looks like at the start of the season. I liked Dillon Gabriel in college and I think it’d be great if he somehow won the starting job, because seeing Deshaun, grandpa Joe, and Shedeur sitting on the bench watching Dillon Gabriel play football would be an all-time sports image (I know teams never dress four QBs for games, but you just never know with the Browns).  I had no idea who Mike Green was before the draft, and I still haven’t seen any of his tape. What I do know is that he has twice been accused of sexual assault, once while he was in high school and once while he was in college. He’s never been charged with anything, but it is ironic that the Ravens would draft a guy with sexual assault allegations while they are still dealing with allegations against the white Deshaun Watson (otherwise known as Justin Tucker). If Tucker doesn’t end up getting cut, coach Harbaugh will want to make sure Tucker doesn’t take Green to any spas in the greater Baltimore area, because that duo could be a serious issue for massage therapists. *As a disclaimer, I would like to make it known that I never condone sexual misconduct, nor am I assuming that all of the allegations against Tucker and Green are unequivocally true.  *For the sake of these rankings, I am considering a team’s skill position room to be 1 QB, 1 RB, 2 WR, and 1 TE. 1. Carolina Panthers – Bryce Young, Chuba Hubbard, Adam Thielen, Tetairoa McMillan, Tommy Tremble Chuba Hubbard carried me to fantasy football glory last year and I would love nothing more than to see Bryce Young succeed, but the bottom line is that this offense still, to put it nicely, lacks sufficient talent. Hubbard is good and Jonathan Brooks could be great when healthy, but Adam Thielen isn’t getting any younger, Tet McMillan is an unproven rookie, and Tommy Tremble is nothing to write home about. I hope this offense proves me wrong, but I just don’t think they’ll be scary for at least a few years. 2. Pittsburgh Steelers – Mason Rudolph, Jaylen Warren, DK Metcalf, George Pickens, Pat Freiermuth This ranking mostly comes down to Mason Rudolph. Mike Tomlin will probably find a way to make the playoffs even if the Steelers don’t find an alternative QB option before the start of the season, but there is a chance they try and tank for Arch Manning. Onto the rest of the skill position 3. Cleveland Browns – Joe Flacco, Jerome Ford, Jerry Jeudy, Cedric Tillman, David Njoku Who knows which one of the Browns five quarterbacks will be under center in week one, but Flacco is the betting favorite right now. His kids might be old enough to start moving out of the house, so that will give him more time to focus on football this year. Despite the extra focus, he is as old and immobile as quarterbacks come, and the rest of the offense is nothing special. Jerome Ford has had time as lead back but never did anything crazy, and the Browns’ pass catchers are fine at best; I would definitely rank their WR room as the worst in the AFC North. 4. New England Patriots – Drake Maye, Rhamondre Stevenson, Stefon Diggs, Demario Douglas, Hunter Henry Drake Maye showed plenty of promise in year one, but the rest of this offense is pretty putrid. Rhamondre was bad last year (and I’m not just saying that because he hosed my fantasy team), Diggs is injury-prone and certainly not suited to be any team’s number one WR, Demario Dougles isn’t going to get fans out of their seats, and Hunter Henry is, admittedly, a very solid tight end. I have rather enjoyed seeing Patriots fans deal with hardship, and I wouldn’t be shocked if this offense struggled for long stretches of the 2025 season. 5. Tennessee Titans – Cam Ward, Tony Pollard, Calvin Ridley, Tyler Lockett, Chig Okonkwo Cam Ward could end up being a really good NFL quarterback, but he isn’t exactly surrounded by electrifying weapons in his rookie year. Tony Pollard has proven to be an average lead back (Tyjae Spears is also solid), Calvin Ridley hasn’t been able to return to the production of his pre-gambling days, and Tyler Lockett is just a few years away from being able to make a Roth IRA withdrawal. I have friends who have randomly become huge Chig Okonkwo fans, but that doesn’t change the fact that he isn’t that good of a pass-catching tight end.  Michael Vick Dogfighting Ring On April 25, 2007, law enforcement officers went searching for evidence in a drug case involving the cousin of Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick. Instead of drugs, the officers found dogfighting facilities on Vick’s Virginia property, known as Bad Newz Kennels. The discovery of these facilities turned out to be bad newz for Vick, who reportedly had over fifty pitbulls and other dogs involved in his dog fighting ring. In December of 2007, Vick was sentenced to 23 months in prison and had endorsement contracts with the likes of Nike and Reebok canceled. Roger Goodell, who presides over a league known for giving players accused or convicted of crimes a second chance at athletic stardom, suspended Vick indefinitely from the league. Given that you could probably commit the worst acts known to man and still get offered an NFL contract, it came as no surprise when Vick was signed by the Philadelphia Eagles after returning from prison. He even won comeback player of the year in 2010. Recently, Vick was hired as the head football coach at Norfolk State, whose mascot is thankfully not a dog of any sort.     @ShamsCharania The NBA is fining Minnesota’s Anthony Edwards $50,000 for his “my d— bigger than yours” comments to the Lakers crowd Saturday night, sources tell ESPN. The hot take here isn’t the NBA fining Edwards. Instead, it’s Edwards’ assumption that no one in the crowd at Staples Center for Game 1 had a bigger piece than him. With an announced attendance of just under 19,000, you have to think at least one person in the building is working with a bigger hog than Edwards. Send your hottest takes to fullcourtpress@gmail.com to have your take featured in next week’s edition.  How many Desmond Watsons would it take to defeat one gorilla? Everyone has been talking about whether 100 people could take down a gorilla, and this is a different variation of the question. For those who don’t know, Desmond Watson is the undrafted 464-pound defensive tackle out of Florida who recently signed with the Buccaneers. Male gorillas typically weigh between 300 and 500 pounds, so Watson wouldn’t actually be fighting above his weight class. I don’t think it would take more than 5 or 6 Watson’s to emerge victorious. |
04/27/25 Newsletter
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Quote of the week – 04/27/25
“My d— bigger than yours.”
~ Anthony D. Edwards
Full Court Press 
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